A Short Explanation of Domestication from ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz

After we are born, the process of indoctrination begins. Also we learn emotional blackmail first hand, when born we need food(milk) so we cry and in most cases the mother feeds the baby, and we learn if we cry louder we get more food, so begins our journey with emotional blackmail and every does this.   As children we don’t have the opportunity to choose our beliefs – but we believed everything that our parents told us – then as we grew up, we believed our teachers and religious leaders….and accepted everything they told us as true.

If we were good, our parents were pleased with us, (another part of emotional blackmail to reinforce what we already do)  and if we didn’t do as we were told, we were punished.  This started us pretending (first parts of the smokey mirror and living the illusions)  to be what we were not.  We try to please everyone, just to feel accepted and feel good….and not rejected.   (this leads us into the obligation board, we have to act in this way to be liked or accepted)

This means that we have become a copy of everyone else’s beliefs.

When we learn the word NO has an effect – we are rebelling because we are standing up for our freedom – we want to be ourselves.  But, they are big, and we are small, and we are afraid of being punished.

Eventually we grow up and become what we have been taught.  We are a conditioned animal. (fully domesticated and self judging)

We base all our judgements on what we have been taught, and we begin to judge everything we do, and don’t do.  Our inner judge says we are guilty – we need to be punished, or ashamed.  This happens day after day, all our lives.

Then we become the victim because we believe we are not good enough, not attractive enough, not worthy of love.  The big judge inside us agrees. (by this time we are our own judges, juries and jailers, and very cruel to ourselves)

These beliefs control our lives and it is called Fear.  Breaking the rules opens emotional wounds within us and related reactions.

It takes courage to challenge these long held beliefs and rules, because our fear controls us, and causes us to suffer.  They are all held in our mind, and we believe them….we cannot forgive ourselves for not being perfect.

Teenagers take excessive drinking or drugs to avoid being rejected by other teenagers.  All because we have a need to be accepted and loved by others.

If we loved and accepted ourselves – the less we would experience this neediness.

How many times do we pay for a mistake?  Thousands of times.  True justice is paying once for a mistake.  How many times do we make our husband/wife/children pay for their mistakes?  Every time we remember the mistake, we blame them again.

The judge in your mind is wrong, because the belief system is wrong – 95% of what is stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all these lies.

The whole world sees it as normal for humans to suffer and live in fear.  Throughout the world there is fear, violence, war and injustice.  We see human suffering, anger, revenge, addictions, and violence in the streets. In each country it is slightly different, but Fear is in control.

Others may warn us that if we don’t do what they say we must go to hell – a place of punishment, but we are already there – if we allow this to happen.

Whilst we are all searching for truth, justice and beauty in our lives it is already there….within us.  We don’t see the truth because we are blinded by all those false beliefs in our mind.

We cannot see who we truly are, and we cannot see that we are not free…..

During the process of domestication, we formed an image of how we should be in order to be accepted by everybody, but we are never going to be perfect from this point of view.

We pretend to be what we are not, so we wear social masks to keep others from noticing this.  We judge others according to our image of perfection. We dishonour ourselves just to please other people.   All because we have a need to be accepted and loved by others. But we cannot accept and love ourselves.

Teenagers take drugs to avoid being rejected by other teenagers.  They are not aware that they cannot accept themselves, so they reject themselves, because they are not what they pretend to be.  They wish to be a certain way, but they are not, and for this they carry shame and guilt.

Humans punish themselves endlessly, and no one punishes us more than ourselves.

You need to be strong to adopt the Four Agreements, but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing.  You will see the drama of hell disappear before your very eyes.

You will be creating a new personal Heaven!

by Robert Light

Spring 2015

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